a porno in which Thomas has to fuck his way through the maze to solve it
what have you done
GOD YES. Thomas can wake up in the elevator, all bambi-eyed and frightened, and all the boys are like WE TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER IN THE GLADE but what they really mean are furtive, fumbling handjobs, sharing hammocks, gasping into each other’s necks.
YOU’VE BEEN HERE THREE YEARS, HAVEN’T YOU EVER TRIED ANYTHING ELSE? Thomas screams, but he doesn’t mean they need to go chase gross alien fetuses with spider legs through some loading docks for endless fucking scenes that are really badly lit and make no sense. Instead he just means maybe they could use some salve on each other, get a little loose, get a little handsy, get some buttstuff going, yeah that’s the ticket—
YOU RUINED EVERYTHING Gally shrieks, flipping his lid. WHEN IT WAS JUST A FRIENDLY HANDIE BETWEEN PALS, EVERYTHING WAS FINE. NOW EVERYONE’S DOING THINGS TO EACH OTHER’S BUTTS AND IT’S GOTTEN ALL WEIRD AND STUFF. WHAT THE HELL.
You were put there to save the universe, Patricia Clarkson says. There was a bunch of dystopian future stuff that was real depressing, and we needed you to show us the way, the butt stuff way. Fuck your way across the world, Thomas. Save us.
MAZE RUNNER: THE D